Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
