my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
