just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
