I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
