Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
