Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
