you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
