I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
