i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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