He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
