I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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