Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
