So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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