We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
