Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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