Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize