last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
