Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
