I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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