afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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