Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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