So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
