Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
