I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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