you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
