I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize