I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
