I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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