Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
