She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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