you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
