Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize