I'm really into asian looking animals
I hate all girls vehemently.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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