I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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