Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
