and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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