paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
