What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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