Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
