I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
