I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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