Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i out mim tonsoeep
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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