I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I need a hoe opinion
go on
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
