remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
