Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
