his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
