she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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