Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
