Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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