just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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