$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
