ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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