The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
