I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my phone needs a breathalizer
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
