So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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