I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
