Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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