thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
