Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
