so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
