What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
