hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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