Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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