so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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