The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
