i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
