hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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