I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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