if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
