If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
