i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
