Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
