you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Randomize
