Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
