just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
