I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
where are my eyebrows?
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