you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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