smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
