He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
