just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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