I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
