If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Randomize
