Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
