was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
