i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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