You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
