got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
