now i know why i became what i already was.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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