girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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