Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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