wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
