Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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