sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
