The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
